can be so painful. Somehow I think I have went to some form
of depression. Tch. All the negativity, like the world's gonna
end on you or you're gonna end the world. It's so terrible and
terribly hurtful as well. I don't know where I've lost myself. To
think I've lost myself so early in life is unthinkable.
can't really be replaced by new ones. Nope, I believe. But you
can always share it with others. This eases the burden. A good
person to share is rare, and that's the kind of people we
ought to treasure mightily. It's rare in such a society which
over emphasize self sufficiency. Serve, and be served.
can also be fun. Just that for me, only fun memories come
out at fun times. The horror when sadness comes. But what's
done already is. Bear with the pain, sadness, hurt and walk
down this road remembering the lessons learnt.
can't always teach you the right lessons. It may cause bitterness,
bluntness, angst, darkness and many more sinful attitudes.
Ah, the power, or should i say, failure, of human nature is
the natural inbred of sin. Which of course the child of sin is
death. Personally, I've been healed by my Saviour Jesus but to
be honest with myself, the scars from before are still before,
an ominous sign which harbours only pain and hurt. They
remind, therefore I have to keep them. If not I'd just be stuck
as an thirteen year old kid. Life is unfair; too bad, sucker.
It's not like I'm not sad. I tried walking away but it doesn't
help. It's what i've said in point two. I've have had become
a sarcastic, pessimistic, fault-finding critical person. Though
some of it have soften up, I still am.
Around people I know, these aspects don't really show. But once
i'm alone, the pessimism grows exponentially. Aye, the reason
i'm scared of being alone is that i don't know what will become
of me. People fear the unknown, really. I do, too.
The really strange thing about me is my polar personality.
Fine, common sense: nobody likes being a wet blanket during
happy times. Positive thinking? No thanks, i'm a hardcore
pessimist, sure it won't work.
Maybe someday this chasm between the poles would get bigger,
maybe it won't. Still, whatever happens to me, I leave it to my
Lord. For far too many times that have occurred, I'm sure no
one can really change their spots without the Holy Spirit.
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